Happy Friday!
I hope that your week was good! We have finally defrosted here in Dallas after the icy Arctic blast and the sun is shining.
Today is National Pay a Compliment Day which was started by Adrienne Koopersmith in 1995. It was inspired when she was riding a bus on a cold day in Chicago and saw someone waving the bus down. Although the person was not at a bus stop, the driver picked her up. Before getting off the bus at her stop, Koopersmith complimented the bus driver on his kindness. It made such an impression on her that she turned it into a National Day.
It can be difficult to give compliments as well as to accept them. Some people hand them out freely (there is a woman who works at the pharmacy I use who compliments every customer on some aspect of their appearance – it's nice but perhaps overdone). Others never say much of anything.
Compliments should be genuine, or at least not out-and-out lies. You want to strike the right balance between making someone feel appreciated and thinking that you are a disingenuous suck-up. You also need to consider the context and the setting – the praise should suit the situation and the recipient. Something that may be appropriate among friends in a casual setting may not go over well in a professional environment. Cultural differences should also be considered.
Some compliment suggestions from radicalmentoring.com:
- Don't tell the person directly – sometimes going through a third party (e.g., friend, spouse) works better. They will pass it on without involving you.
- Compliment character. Complimenting clothing, looks or skills is fine but more superficial than recognizing a character quality. The example they use is "If I were describing you to a stranger, I'd start by telling them about your integrity – that I would hand you my wallet and never think twice". However, a "superficial" compliment can be a good icebreaker when meeting someone new.
- Be intentional – think abut what you are going to say before you say it. Compliments are rewards.
- Don't dilute your compliments. When people gush out compliments all the time, it's hard to take them seriously, that is, "Oh, they say that to everyone."
- Connect a compliment to something the person did. Compliments about actions that demonstrate a character trait are more meaningful.
- It's okay to compliment yourself (in private).
What about accepting complements? Many people find this difficult to do, perhaps because they feel unworthy of kind words or they have experienced previous emotional trauma. However, when compliments are expressed without ulterior motives, they feed the best parts of ourselves. Some helpful suggestions from that respected social etiquette journal, Cosmopolitan, include:
- Simply say 'thank you. "...I appreciate it, ...for noticing, ...for your kind words"
- Express what it means to you. "I put a lot of effort into this...I appreciate that you noticed...I have been wanting to do this for a long time and it was so worth it."
- Don't minimize yourself. "Yeah, the presentation went well but I could have done better...You like my outfit? This old thing? I'm not really feeling it..." Instead say, "I'm grateful for being chosen and am up for the challenge...You just boosted my confidence...I appreciate you noticing the effort I put into it."
- Return the compliment. "I like your jeans too...That's so nice of you to say, I love your positivity/enthusiasm/other attribute."
- Acknowledge others. "It was really a team effort...I couldn't have done it without (name)...I'm lucky to work with such great people.
- Smile! A genuine smile and a "thank you" is almost foolproof.
Have a great weekend!
Deb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5BNZAw5FMQ